What Have I Read?

For some time now, I have been thinking about sharing the kinds of material I have read since people assume because I’m a writer, I must have read a lot; especially of the classics. English is not my mother tongue and I took up serious reading only in my twenties. Malaysia and Singapore have a peculiar brand of spoken English. In Malaysia, it’s called Manglish and in Singapore, it’s called Singlish. Both are a mishmash of the local National language and various Chinese dialects. Most of the local people don’t speak proper English and my writing style tends to be basic and simple.

I developed the reading habit as I said, relatively late – in my twenties. It started with the books and magazines that were passed down to me by my family of friends and budget travelers who were mostly Caucasians. At the time, Colleague One was a Psychic and Colleague Two was a Palmist and I would hang out with them and their foreign clients for a social life that was out of the ordinary. I didn’t have to leave home to meet the world; the world came to me.

These travelers were usually adventure and/or spiritual seekers out to taste the world or “find themselves” on a shoe-string budget. When they were done with their reading material, they would hand them over to me. These ranged from Time and Newsweek magazines, Readers’ Digest, History to Metaphysical and Spiritual books. When these ran out, I would hit the second-hand book stalls for autobiographies, biographies, memoirs, more Metaphysical and Spiritual books. 

Our local libraries don’t carry the kinds of material that would interest me. Books from second-hand book stalls were supplemented by assorted books that were passed on to me by yet more friends and contacts. Books in my country are relatively more expensive than in most other parts of the world. Even buying from Amazon, the shipping cost of the books is more than the price of the books themselves. Outside of the USA, there is no free shipping. I was thankful I did not have to buy a book until I was in my thirties and they were Astrology, Numerology, Palmistry and Oracle types of books. As well as Tai Chi Chuan, Yoga, Herbs, Gems, Essential Oils types of books.

I have since given away the books that I didn’t think I would need for reference. I am a de-clutterer and we de-clutterers tend to de-clutter. So I can’t go to my book shelves now to share the titles of the Top 100 books I’ve enjoyed or that have impacted my growth the most.

I have managed to go to storage (boxes with silver fishes!) to see what books I have kept to come up with a list of my reading material to share in this write-up. Too many loved books and “old friends” were given away as I didn’t want to burden myself with them, moving as I did, from rented house to rented house. I felt that good books should be shared so I parted with gems like ‘A Brief History of Time’ (Stephen Hawking), 'Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance’, ‘Many Lives, Many Masters’, and many, many more I can’t recall as of this writing.

The books that are still in boxes (collecting silver fishes) are:

•        Tao Te Ching
•        Chuang Tsu
•        Lao Tzu
•        I-Ching
•        Chinese Pa-Kua
•        Astro Psychology (Karen Hamaker-Zondag)
•        Siddhartha (Hermann Hesse)
•        Drinking Tea, Living Life (Visuddhacara)
•        Dancing Wu Li Masters (Gary Zukav)
•        The Teachings of Don Juan (Carlos Castaneda)
•        Tibetan Art of Living and Dying (Sogyal Rinpoche)
•        Conversations With God -- the trilogy (Neale Donald Walsch)
•        Supernature (Lyall Watson)
•        Assorted Tai Chi, Wushu, Yoga, Guasu, Oracles, Gems, Precious Stones,       Sacred Science, Astrology, Numerology and Philosophy books.

Just off the top of my head, here is a list of some of my favorite books:

1. The Godfather series – Mario Puzo (bought at second-hand bookstores – since given away)

2. Papillon -- Henri Charrière (bought at a second-hand bookstore – since given away)

3. The Teachings of Don Juan -- Carlos Castaneda (a gift)

4. Dancing Wu Li Masters – Gary Zukav (passed on to me)

5. Tibetan Book of Living and Dying – Sogyal Rinpoche (passed on to me)

6. Drugs and Magic – George Andrews (bought at a second-hand bookstore)

7. Conversations With God (the trilogy) – Neale Donald Walsch (Book 1 was a gift. Later, I gifted someone with a new copy of Book 1)

8. The Third Eye -- Lobsang Rampa

9. Almost all of Shirley MacLaine’s books (all now given away)

10. Assorted Biographies and Memoirs (all now given away)

11. Assorted History, Philosophy, Reincarnation, Astrology, Numerology, Oracles, Metaphysical books (Mostly given away)

What have I been able to take away from the reading?

• We are all basically energy; or stardust. Everything else is just humans making a lot of sh*t, creating drama and stirring more sh*t. Low vibration stuff.
• As a semi-recluse, I stay away from as much sh*t as I can. I survive as a human being until I don’t. We survive every single moment until the last one.
• I have reflected upon all the reasons people lose their lives. I have reflected upon how much I have sacrificed to be healthy. I have thought about how much others have to fight to stay alive.
• When the going gets tough, just remember to breathe. Deeply. We get our second wind that way.
• We can all survive on the planet if we can get back to basics.
• The brain is the hardware; the books, the data. What we put in, we churn out. So we need to choose our reading material carefully.
•  Books we read stay with us longer than the shorter reading material we scan on the internet. It takes me days, weeks or months to get through a book at my own pace so it has a greater impact than social media reading.

There is a saying that people who read the same books make good friends because in general, “No two persons ever read the same books.” -- Edmund Wilson

Here are a few more quotes about books and reading:

•         “You will be the same person you are today in five years but for two things: the people you meet and the books you read.” -- Charles “Tremendous” Jones (I know … who? :))
•         “Great books help you understand, and they help you feel understood.”  – John Green
•         “A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted at the end. You live several lives while reading.” – William Styron
•         “The only important thing in a book is the meaning that it has for you.” – W. Somerset Maugham
•         “If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, you must be the one to write it.” – Toni Morrison

Kiss It

Most of us don’t have the time or interest to read long blog articles so I make it a point to kiss it (keep it short and simple). I hope this is short enough.

With the discussions over refugees’ desperate attempts to find a safe haven in Europe and other developed countries, my own opinion on this issue was slanted heavily towards compassion when I recently had to pack for what might have been an emergency trip.

I took the opportunity as an exercise to ask myself what I would take with me should I find myself being forced to leave home abruptly not knowing exactly where I was going and for how long. It took just a few seconds to register that wherever I go, I have to take my body and my mind. Those two things are not an option to leave behind. :)

Very quickly I noted that I would prioritize the things that I need to stay safe, healthy, productive, progressive and expressive. I stuffed a carry-on backpack with important travel and identity documents, charge cards, journal, notepads, pens, vitamin supplements, first aid, medicine, bathroom things, hand sanitizers, mosquito repellent and a change of clothes. I also included my laptop, tablet, camera, battery chargers, batteries, and cables. An external hard disk and data sticks made their way into the “priority” backpack as well. (I am aware not all of these things would be prioritized by war refugees. They probably would prioritize lots of food, water, blankets and sleeping bags. I was packing for a trip; I was not packing as a refugee would.)

I looked around the house and asked myself what else I would be missing if for some reason I was not able to return to my house where all my “stuff” is kept. I decided that I would have to keep safe all my original song lyrics with chords plus the extra external hard disk and extra backup data sticks that store my original works in progress. That was it. (My creative babies are obviously my soul’s expression.) My dogs are my children/companions. I would leave them to friends if I had to make a trip but if I were leaving the country as a refugee and couldn’t bring them along with me, that would be a potentially mental-breakdown-type of decision to make. 

I realized what people mean when they say one is not rich until we have something that money cannot buy. I was okay with having to leave behind everything that money could buy but I was not comfortable with leaving my two dogs behind. Even if I had good friends to leave them in relatively good hands to, to leave them in a scenario where they would have to fend for themselves, in a country that has a majority of dog haters? I would go insane. So I was happy to see that my neighbor – a refugee from the Ukraine – brought her little dog with her. I don’t know how she managed that (money was obviously not a problem) and I was impressed with that particular human being. First, she came with her partner and dog; later other members of the family joined them.

I thought of the other refugees; in the Ukraine and other parts of the world. Imagine having to leave everything behind and taking with them their old relatives and/or young children. Imagine leaving everything you know and have behind for the unknown. It’s impossible to fathom. And that’s why we have to feel compassion for the refugees. True, they seem to be mostly of a particular background and faith and they seem to end up in places that are predominantly of more liberal beliefs and practices. True, in present times, integration is an overwhelming challenge. I mean, in previous times, there were no terrorists of the present scale. So yes, these are different times and I understand both sides of the fence on this issue.

I am aware some people think it’s a good idea to fight evil with evil. If you are an inherently good person/soul, you will lose to the inherently evil people/souls if you try to play them at their game. You just won’t have the depth of evil in you to draw from to do better than others who are used by the evil forces and who have a bottomless well of evil to draw from. The good camp wouldn’t be able to match evil acts for evil acts and would be playing the game to the evil camp’s strength. Eventually, the good camp will be outplayed and consumed by the evil as well. If you are a good person/soul, your strength is in your goodness. You have to play to your own strengths. The evil person can’t be good and the evil person can’t do the good things that you can. You have to draw from the well of goodness which is not accessible to the evil camp. Goodness won’t feed the evil; goodness will starve the evil. You can’t fight darkness with more darkness. The whole planet will then be consumed by darkness. You can only fight darkness with light.

Regulars of this blog are aware I’m open to connecting with people “my kind of weird.” When I look at some if not all of the friends I have, they don’t measure up to my “kind of weird” either because while all my close friends are on the kind and compassionate side, they are lacking in the other qualities that qualify them as “my kind of weird.” Though they come closest hence they have been with me on my life path for decades.

The people I speak of acknowledge that while they are kind and compassionate, they seem to lack the qualities to become successful in education and personal finance; mainly because they did not prioritize education and personal finance. I was similar to them in this way as they were a great influence on me during my developing phase. I now find myself thinking perhaps we lacked the “intelligence” to appreciate the importance of education and finance in this three-dimensional world.

I have been with them for decades for a reason. We must be at a fundamental level, birds of the same feathers for us to have been close friends for so many decades. I like to say that I was so stupid for so long that I feel I have no more credit left for stupidity and have no choice but to be smart from here onward. :) I like to say to my friends: Yo, listen up. We have been so stupid for so long, we have exceeded our stupidity quota. No one has the right to be as stupid as we were and expect to survive in this dog eat dog world.

It’s as if when someone is being kind, the brain switches into “stupid” mode. And when someone applies intelligence to a situation, it’s as if the “kindness” mode has to be switched off. It’s almost as if the quality of kindness develops at the expense of intelligence and vice versa. In Chinese, there is a saying: “When we want to help, we talk heart (sentiment). When we don’t want to help, we talk head (reason).”

I’ve been told that in a particular developed country, it’s been said: “Kindness is the mark of a loser.” Yikes. Who wants to be a loser? Do we want to be kind? Sure. Compassionate? Why not? Kindness and compassion attract good karma and who doesn’t want good karma? Even if one doesn’t believe in the concept of karma, one should want to be good because virtue is its own reward. But do we want to be poor? I don’t know anyone who wants to be poor.

In the words of Garth Brooks: “You aren’t wealthy until you have something that money can’t buy.” So, kind people are kind of wealthy? Helping others is a kind of art form. One has to get the balance right or else become a charity case as well in no time at all. What is the point of doing so much charity that we become a charity case ourselves?

“Healthy boundaries aren't walls or barbed wire fences. They are gates, portals that we selectively open when it is healthy to do so. Sometimes we have to wall others off - to heal, to get a taste of what it feels like to be protected - but eventually we come into a sacred balance. Here, we make conscious decisions as to when to open, when to close. I think of it as the art of selective attachment. Rather than responding from a patterned place - too open or too closed - we look at each situation on its own merits. We keep the gate closed, when it is unsafe to open it. We unlatch the gate, if there is a healthy basis for connection. Healthy boundaries are situation specific, evolving and clarifying as we grow.” – Jeff Brown, Author.

The situation is like this. When we die, we leave everything behind. We only get to take what we inherently are. Call it soul, spirit, energy, consciousness, whatever you want. Those of us who believe in many lifetimes, get that we have to prioritize the quality of our souls/consciousness since that is what we bring with us lifetime after lifetime after lifetime.

Those who believe in a ‘Heaven’ or a ‘Hell’ after they die have to chalk up enough ‘credit’ to get to heaven. I’m not comfortable with the belief system that it doesn’t matter whether a believer in a personified God is good or bad. The belief stipulates as long as you believe in your God that will get you to your Heaven even if you are a bad person and do bad things during your time on Earth.

Atheists are mostly scorned upon and feared because most people think that Atheists have no fear of “Judgment Day” so they have no incentive to be good and to do good deeds. Actually, there are Atheists who do good deeds simply because it’s the right thing for humans to help each other and to be kind to the animals. Kindness and compassion feel right to them and they appreciate that virtue is its own reward. They don’t do good things to get “blessings” or “good karma.” Not that there’s anything wrong with doing good things to get blessings and good karma. Whatever your beliefs, just be good and do good deeds. Someone said: Whenever in doubt as to what is the right thing to do, just do the kind thing. Then, you will always be doing the right thing for kindness is never the wrong thing.  

“My kind of weird” = “My people”

“My kind of weird” begins with the basic qualities of compassion and kindness. These two qualities cover thoughtfulness and consideration. Tick those boxes and we can play and see if the other qualities are compatible. If those boxes can’t be ticked, it doesn’t matter what other qualities a person has, he/she will not be “my people.” I find these basic qualities necessary as I work on the premise that we are all victims and come from a broken place. Compassion and kindness are preservation and survival tools.

After compassion and kindness, it’s important to have the quality of true intelligence. What is true intelligence?

In ‘Utopia,’ while commenting on the role of intellectuals in politics, Sir Thomas More concluded that at best, intellectuals could, by their counsel, prevent some evil from being done. Most then would agree that true intelligence would be the ability to solve the problems of our times. True intelligence is when you can be a part of the solution and not a part of the problem.

It is said the classics teach us to think and that there’s no better way of sharpening one’s intellect. If you agree with this line of reasoning then, being intellectual must mean that intellectuals are able to think for themselves; to question what they read and what’s been said to them. Short of quoting the Buddha when he said that no man should accept anything on faith. Every person should question what he hears even if it’s from the Buddha himself. And it’s important to read because reading hones the thinking process.

And what about the bit about: “Intelligence having to be developed together with the heart or else there will be an imbalance in the personality?” It is said that intelligence minus the heart can justify any evil.

To answer the questions: What’s “my kind of weird?" And, who are “my people?” The short answer is, “my people” are compassionate, kind and truly intelligent. “My people” are faithful, loyal and grateful (hence dogs are my people too). “My people” are self-empowered, insightful, dynamic problem solvers who are predominantly solution oriented. If you’re selling those qualities, I’m buying. Finally, “my people” either like or love me. They buy what I’m selling. Yes, they do.

Do what you think is right for you and you’ll be okay?

Some people like to say: Do what you think is right for you and you’ll be okay. The trouble with this piece of advice is not everyone knows what is right for them and if they do know what is right for them, they wouldn’t be asking for advice. Until they achieve mastery of themselves and their life paths, most people need to be told what they can or can’t do, should or shouldn’t do. They need to be told what would happen to them if they erred. Some have to be frightened into doing what’s good for themselves hence the Christian Ten Commandments for example. Some wise guy said: If people can be persuaded to do what’s good for them, the Ten Commandments would have been called the Ten Guidelines. :)

People say: Do not expect anything from others and we won’t be disappointed. I ask: How do we have (working) relationships then? “Working” is the operative word here. Aren’t relationships based on trust and expectations? We have to know what others expect of us and they have to know what we expect of them? Even my dogs have to trust me and know what to expect from me and vice versa. Every communication is based on trust. There can be no communication without honesty. Don't believe me? The next time you have conversations, do observe the quality of the conversations and be mindful of how much you trust the person you are having a chat with.

I, for one, do not test my relationships. They are put to the test by events. My relationships live and die according to the results of these tests. Life constructs these tests, not I. This works both ways. I am sometimes being tested for relationships and when I don’t pass the criteria set by others, they stop being in a relationship with me too.

We all know by now we shouldn’t depend on other people to make us happy and yet, when we do connect with folks our “kind of weird,” these relationships do contribute greatly to the quality of our lives. We know we should invest in ourselves – study, develop, improve, keep fit, stay sane, eat well, give ourselves a treat now and then, take time for rest and relaxation; do something each day to make ourselves feel good about ourselves. We know we should cut down on unnecessary stress, manage our time, manage ourselves and earn less if that’s the price we pay for good health. We know less can be more.

Here’s the latest update regarding menakoo.com:

It costs about USD70.00 (RM300.00) a year to keep menakoo.com on the present server. At USD5.00 a book, I would have to sell 14 books a year to pay for the running costs. I’m told there are one billion people on Facebook alone. I’m told nearly every literate person in the world is on the Internet today, in one way or another. That's a huge market of potential readers that anyone, anywhere *can* reach; they are out there and reachable. Yet, it doesn’t look like I’m going to sell 14 books a year using my website model.

Someone in the publishing industry informed me that this industry has become a “zoo.” He said: “There are so many millions of books that no one can find anything these days, and people can't even give away their crap.” He said he used that word for a reason — much of what is out there on the market today is just that: “crap.” He described these books as: “Poorly conceived, poorly written, poorly edited, with nothing to say and no hope of ever selling.”

Well, I’ve made things even more difficult for myself due to my genre; which I can’t help because we are writing about stuff we know or think we know. I can’t find an editor who is metaphysically inclined. I may just publish what I have on Amazon anyway and let my books join the “obscure” club. It’s just as well I don’t depend on this income to eat or else I’ll be lining up at the Soup Kitchen real soon. :)

Announcement:

Please note the server that is hosting menakoo.com is undergoing “major data center migration and consolidation exercise from July 2016 till the end of October 2016.”

In view of this, I am not renewing my web package in mid-June and will only consider resuming once the host provider has sorted its “continuous commitment to provide better services and better hosting experience to (their) valued clients in October.”

This will give me time to rewrite the books in a new format and place on other platforms if that is the way to go for me in the future. Once the manuscripts are on free servers, they will be archived there for a long time for no charge. I am studying the POD (Print On Demand) option in the meantime.

When I first announced the impending launch of menakoo.com, there was an average of 600 monthly viewers. All they got to see was a temporary WIP (Work In Progress) page. As it got closer and closer to the October 2015 launch date, the number of viewers went up. After the launch, there was a steady stream of over 1K viewers a month. My webmaster was surprised that a new website could get so many viewers.

In any case, there were few conversions. Some of my friends told me they had difficulty paying with their smart phones. With others, it could be that there are trust issues with using cards on my website even though I’ve been reassuring the public that they’ll still be going through PayPal. Additionally, I am supposing that as a new author the public has credibility issues with me. So for me at least, it’s not a situation where I need more book promotions or advertisements. "You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make the horse drink." There are several reasons why books do not sell as well as they should. See this write up: http://noorosha.com/why-readers-dont-buy/. So this server downtime will be utilized for a rethink, re-plan and redo. :)

When I first published, I had no idea what I was up against. Would I still have written my books had I known what I now know? The answer is YES. I wrote my books for therapy and they have served their purpose. Then again, if they are just for therapy, why bother with publishing? I published because I have a message to get out. I published because I wanted to test the market for my material. Since then, I have learnt a thing or two about the publishing industry and the market. It is clear now that I shall have to do something different regarding the business model (selling books is a business!) if I want to stay in the industry. So, those of you who are reading this and are interested to publish your own books will do well to read this first: http://theworldsgreatestbook.com/self-publisher-reality-check/.

Fans, friends and supporters of Mena Koo will still be able to keep up with her activities on her social media pages. There aren’t many of you out there due to the metaphysical material in her books that friends have said are “hard to understand,” “abstract,” or even “blasphemous.” :) Hence, it's not that I don't want a professional editor, I just can't find the right one. One who is metaphysically inclined and one that I can afford. Once again, thank you all for being here and for your continued interest.

Mena

♥♥♥

What is the universal language understood by all life forms?

Imagine life as a contest or a game. It is bound by rules and decided by skill, strength or luck. In a contest, not everyone can win. So in life, there will be winners and there will be losers. According to the rules of this game of life, one has not won until one dies spiritually strong and one has not lost until one stops evolving spiritually.

Is it not utterly preposterous that while not everyone can win in this game of life, everyone could lose by wars? If there is a global holocaust and the whole human species is wiped out at once, is that really so bad? In that scenario, every soul would be relating on a different level and there would be no need for food, water, clothes, houses, cars, etc. and no hassles to go with those needs. There would be no requirement for jobs, careers, ambitions, politics, sex, etc. There would be no disease, pain, suffering, etc. Is that so bad?

If life is a game or a contest and in this context there has to be winners and losers, then even after a holocaust there would be winner and loser souls. And they would inter-relate on a different stratum until they can find a way to manifest themselves in some form that would serve their purpose and start the game of life process as we know it all over. Except, maybe our forms may not be human (due to the lack of sustaining elements or whatever.)

What is the universal language understood by all life forms? We know energy is the common thread but what is the common language? Is it the innate knowledge that everything has its place in the whole scheme of the Universe? Can this knowing be the common language, a sort of understanding making it a sort of language? 

Why is it our natural instinct to want to live? Why does the human race strive for life? Beyond being afraid of the unknown, I think we cling on to life is because we innately know our souls need the human body, its form, to best inter-relate. Why do we need to inter-relate so badly? Because we know deep down that it’s only by inter-relating that we learn.

Values need the physical embodiment to be felt, touched, enjoyed and enhanced, improved upon or destroyed. We need our bodies to carry out our will. Ergo, souls are willful things. And it is this will that constantly binds us to our bodies. And it is this same will that leaves our bodies when we lose the will to live. The soul having no more will to live this existence because the body can no longer serve its purpose.

Despite the suffering that these needs in human form inevitably bring about, souls would still be better off with the physical embodiment with which to do and learn something as well or as bad. So it makes sense that the more lives a soul had to live and learn, the more evolved it is. And this evolved soul continues to will life again and again so that it can learn more and more from these life chances.

Of course, lessons in life are painful experiences. Not many of us would be excited to face lifetimes of suffering yet we inherently understand that in order to experience the gifts of life, we have to take the suffering with the joy. It’s what we dog lovers understand all too well. When we say yes to a joy, we say yes to the woes as well. The experiences we souls have on the Earth plane are either gifts or lessons. We do well to try to be the gifts we want.

We need to preserve our bodies so that we can live and learn as much as we can from our life chances. A lifetime is a life chance and is not to be wasted or frolicked away. This world of ours, contrary to popular thinking, was not designed as a permanent hedonistic paradise. Eternal life is a given as we are energy to begin with and I see eternal life as the chance to be born again and again if one desires to learn more and experience more. The possibilities are endless.

Catching Up With Orbit 1

So many people are in so much pain, sometimes I wonder how the world can still function. It seems to me like the world has not stopped functioning because while almost everyone on the planet is filled with pain, the population of the world is not paralyzed with pain at the same time. Thank goodness we take turns to suffer so we can step up for each other from time to time.

Recently, I reconnected with a childhood friend (from what I call Orbit 1 in my memoir, Changing Orbits) and our back and forth emails lead me to challenge myself to use present day (Orbit 5) consciousness to make sense of Orbit 1 events. Isn’t it bizarre that life has to be lived forwards but can only be understood backwards? Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 but I also have to rely on insight which is the best vision, they say.

This childhood friend of mine was sharing that she had developed into being quite the semi-recluse herself. So I wondered about what makes people reclusive. Then, my thoughts drifted over to the last year of my beloved Sharpei’s life. During the last year of Sharpei’s life, she at first tried to call my attention to the fact that she was unwell. She was trying to communicate to me that she needed my help to cope with whatever she had to cope with at the time. I didn’t get her urgent messages then so she was left to cope on her own. How did she do it? She became reclusive. The dog that was my shadow for all of her 12 years suddenly became reclusive. Reflecting on this, I realized I became reclusive myself when I couldn’t get the help I needed from the people around me and the wider community. I realized I had to depend on myself and so I went within. Now that my childhood friend is telling me she also tends to reclusion, I’m guessing that she couldn’t find the answers to her challenges/questions from society either. She had to also go within to find the answers.

My dogs teach me so much. They also teach me about boundaries. Jolly has his room in the house and Bubu has her resting place in the house. They do not intrude into each other’s resting place. When either of them feels sociable they will enter a neutral space and that is where they hang out and play together.


What reconnecting with my childhood friend reminded me about Orbit 1:

• I wore shades (dark sunglasses) in my mid-teens and heavy makeup in my late teens, as a means of hiding my insecurities.
• My first love was music.
• My natural career would have been in the Performing Arts (Singer, Songwriter, Dancer, Actor, stand-up comic).
• Even as a teen, I ate for comfort. Was not too fat then as I was the athletic type. I have always loved exercising and this love remains with me till today.
• I suffered from real low self-esteem and low confidence then but masked it well enough to lead a gang of 12. We called ourselves “The Dirty Dozen.” Yes, I know; not very original. :)
• If life is a playground and the people we hang out with are our playmates, I was and still am that weird kid constantly on the lookout for people "my kind of weird." Mena can be pretty serious but Gwen is still in there somewhere.     
• I hung out a lot with my gang and ate a lot at their parents’ houses. They were my substitute family as I was not feeling the love at home with my parents and siblings.
• Due to spending so much time in other people’s houses as a child, I was exposed to other lifestyles, values, habits, etc. at an early age. I saw how disadvantaged I was as a child compared to my friends. I saw a lot and took in a lot both on a conscious and subconscious level. I was soaking it all up like a sponge.

     
 (My present) Orbit 5 consciousness:

• In childhood and in school, we have a lot of “friends.” There is not necessarily any special meaningful relationship or feelings or attachments there except that we share a common history and how we ourselves choose to interpret the past. That said, it doesn’t mean that some deep and meaningful friendships can’t begin in childhood. This depends on the soul affinities and I believe these affinity type match-ups have a more one-on-one intensity that goes beyond group friendships.
• I have since gone on to prefer quality, not quantity where friends are concerned. Nowadays, I feel I can get by with just ONE good friend. People are complicated. The more personalities we have to deal with, the more complications we have to deal with.
• In the same way, I wish I had only a single sibling instead of 5. I feel that if there was just the 2 of us, my sibling would have been as vested in getting along with me as I was in getting along with a sibling. As it is with friends, too many personalities tend to dilute the relationships. I feel only intense relationships can make a real difference in a life. As with any group situation, there is always some degree of “politics” going on in the background.
• What I share in my memoir (Changing Orbits) and Chi book (The Dance of the Chi is more intense than any "gossip" anyone can spread about me.
• When driving, we use the rear view mirror to see what's behind us but if we look there too much, we will fail to see what's in front of us. Sure, the past has its place in a life story and it's fine if looking back is for the perspective and lessons the past can offer. But the past has no more power, at least it shouldn't have. We have to keep moving forward. Just keep moving and moving forward. Don't look back; we're not going that way!  
• It’s amazing how much I can recall from Orbit 1.  My friend says I have a “photographic” memory but no, I don’t. I have asked myself before what quality I would like to have if I could choose and I have decided I would like to have a photographic memory if I could. Imagine how much easier my life would have been. For one thing, passing exams require that we have a great retentive memory so we can regurgitate all that are in the books. And being able to remember all the stuff that I do not necessarily have to read but just glaze through would truly make a huge difference in my life. As it would any body’s life.
• Emotional support wise, my gang was more of a family than my birth family. Kind of like ghetto gangs I suppose only I needed them more than they needed me. While I prioritized them, I was only an option to each of them. We were all children in need of adult supervision, direction and wisdom. We each needed a go-to adult to complete the support structure but that was missing for me and as we grew up, I grew apart and away from the group as I was unable to rely on the group for the support that I needed to take me (and the group) to the next level.  
• 40 years later, each of the “Dirty Dozen” (minus one who died in her 20’s) is the same river but the waters that run through us are not the same.
• They remember Gwen as being ahead of her time. As Mena today, I still feel ahead of my time.
• My parents thought my friends were a “bad influence” and the 16-year-old Gwen said to her father: Do you realize that my friends’ parents could be thinking I am a bad influence on their kids?  Today, my old gang confirms that I was right. Even at that age, I was insightful. Troubled but still insightful.
• Gwen was seemingly an extrovert (seemingly getting energized by company). Mena is an introvert (needing time alone to recharge; company drains me). That can be confusing to people who have seen both the Gwen and the Mena side.
• I think extroverts who grow to like solitude over time have "encountered more on the disillusioned side." They start to believe that company is a waste of time. In my opinion, solitude has more to offer than socializing unless of course one is in marketing then the more a people person one is, the better for creating income. If one is on the creative side, then all the inspiration and ideas come about when one is alone and “in the zone.”
• I like to say if one is not depressed, one is not paying attention. :) As far as I'm concerned, this planet is the "penal colony of the universe" and no one is spared their share of depression.
• Good company doesn't always have to be good conversation. Sometimes just knowing that someone is there if you need them to hold space for you is enough.
• Are you familiar with the quote I paraphrase: "The person who likes his/her own company makes very good company?" This is true in the sense that if people don't spend time alone reflecting, reading, listening to music, observing nature, whatever, they tend to run out of interesting things to talk about when in company. They tend to be boring.
• People like to ask in greeting: How are u? As if it's that easy to answer with any degree of meaning. I just take it that everybody (animals included) is suffering. By default of being in the physical state. By default of having to live within 3-dimensional limitations/structures on the planet. When I see a happy face, I know that's only fleeting.
• That said, I don't mean to suggest that it's ok for us to let ourselves sink into a state of depression. Of course, we have to help ourselves not sink. What works for me is to not take life so personally. It just is what it is.
• I am happiest when I am able to count my blessings. Being grateful for the basic things in life (knowing that things could be much worse) and keeping the lifestyle simple has always been the open secret.
• Age should give us healing and some understanding which leads to a kind of wisdom. Acceptance of what is not within our control is wisdom.
• People are like onions. The longer you’ve been around them, the more layers come off and the more you know them.
• My writing is not about passion. It's love-hate and it's more about therapy. I've been a victim of circumstances for almost all my 60 years and I'll be spending the rest of my life in healing mode.
• While it’s nice to get compliments for my efforts, it's what I think of myself at the end of the day that counts. I am the one who has to wake up to myself and to my life on a daily basis and I am doing what I do to cope and deal. Even my social media activities are all about the therapy; healing and doing something meaningful and purposeful with my life.
• So many people are living with so much unresolved pain; I know what it's like. That people become recluses, I can also guess the reasons. When someone is in a kind of "prison," he/she has to focus on surviving that “prison” lifestyle. He/she can't have a foot in prison and another out of prison. Better to embrace/accept/deal with the reality inside than to be distracted by influences coming at you from the outside. The Chinese have a saying: If you have one foot in two boats when the boats move, you will end up in the water. Now, if people outside are actually trying to break you out of your prison and you trust them enough to cooperate with them ... that's a totally different scenario ... in that case, the prisoner might engage with hopes of having the chance to live a life outside the prison.  
• It’s normal for people to do what they are good at and to keep on doing what they are good at. That is their mode of soul expression.
• People who don't observe personal boundaries make me uncomfortable.  
• "No expectations" -- If we're honest with ourselves, it's very hard not to have expectations when we invest in relationships. Either we hope for the best outcome or we don't invest ourselves too much for self-preservation. Life is so tough that we all more or less have to reserve our resources to help ourselves get through our days. When I am able to reach out to others it means I have strength to spare. When others are reaching out to me, it means they have strength to spare. When we respond to overtures it means we have faith and trust to spare.
• Because of my weak ties with birth family, my choice of friends has always needed to be of the supportive variety. I have always needed to replace my birth family with a "family of supportive friends."
• Meeting up with old friends after a long period of detachment, the old friends have to build trust and friendship all over again. They can’t borrow these from the past. Whether old friends are able to take the reconnection to the next level will depend on present day trust and camaraderie, not the trust and camaraderie of decades ago.
• In life, timing is everything. When the tide is missed, the tide is missed. That said, one can always wait for the next tide to come in. :)
• As relationships go, I tend to visualize how I want a relationship to go. It's like I write the script starting from the end of the story and work my way backward. I try to say and do the things that will "create" that reality for me. So when the other party doesn't have the same script (not on the same page) they will not co-create that reality with me and yes that can be disappointing; even painful and a waste of resources. This works both ways. I can disappoint others too if I’m not responding according to their “script.” So we all have to be careful with our choice of friends. We have to use our time prudently.
• What is the alternative? Not to plan? Not to have a vision? Not to expect anything? How do we expect the Universe to cooperate with us if we don’t know what we want? How do we manifest/create our realities?
• I can relate easily to people who have had hard times the likes of which bring them to their knees in despair and surrender. I have been there myself, many times and I feel a kinship with such journeys.
• Society everywhere is such that one must be able to show the outer trappings of "success" in order to gain respect. This is what is known metaphysically as "3-dimensional structures." I still have a lot to prove especially to myself that I did not waste my life chance. I don’t expect to win this kind of conventional “respect” from society (I’m aware I’m too much of an outlier); I am aiming for self-respect and peace of mind.
• I was interested in astrology and metaphysics even in my teens.
• To quote my friend: “People need saving. What or how to save is a question that's an enigma because each individual has a personal path. Everyone has to go through a cathartic journey of their interiors before they can heal. “
• To quote my friend: “What's the vision for humanity? Well, whatever means or ways, the goal must be to come up with a lesson plan for living with full attention and self-awareness, with self-control and responsibility, with empathy and compassion -- in other words, with skills that allow people to overcome their own destructive emotions. “
• Many people think they or their lives are not “normal.” What’s “normal” anyway?
• Everyone has a life story. Not everyone can write, not everyone can or want to share.
• The computer is my life. I don't have much of a life outside of it. It meets almost all of my needs. The dogs offer a balance as I have to shut down the pc to be with them. PC-related activities, dogs plus Yoga and Tai Chi are my soul's expression. I need them like I need oxygen.
• Breathing is life. Life is breathing. In the moment that we focus on the breathing, we focus on the now. And the now is all there is.  
• For my survival and healing, I need to be solution and peace oriented.